Transgender day of Visibility (TDOV) is an annual holiday, founded in 2009, dedicated to celebrating the accomplishments of transgender people. This day also works to raise awareness that work is still to be done in order to save trans* lives.
Transgender people live in three different way (in terms of transition), they are even out and proud- everyone knows they are transgender and they are extremely open about it; they live stealth- meaning no-one knows they are transgender unless they have to know; or they have a sort of mix- they are out to some people in their lives but not to others. At the moment I live a mixed sort of life, the majority of the people in my life know, either because they knew me before I started to transition or because I have meant them through transgender groups.
I am in two minds about I would like for the future, on one hand I want to be completely stealth so that only my family medical professionals know about it. I feel that once people know you are transgender they treat you differently, it might be the way they look at you, the way they talk to you or the things they say. I don’t want to always be ‘that transgender guy’ ideally I would be ‘that guy’ the fact that I am transgender shouldn’t never be an issue, a topic of talking point.
On the other hand I feel like as a part of the transgender community it is my responsibility to showcase the fact that I am just a normal person. That being transgender doesn’t make me special or different – I am the same as everyone else my life has just been another way.
One thing that makes me unsure about if I should be stealth is if I have a child(ren) with my wife as I’d like to. I want them to always know about it, so that it is never some dramatic bomb shell, I realise to do that I would have to be open about it with everyone because children talk about their lives and if something is normal to them they think nothing of telling people. I don’t want to feel like I am lying to my child, but I also think that you don’t tell your child everything about your whole life from birth, it is something they learn over their whole life. Maybe it would be better to ‘keep it from them’ until they reach an age where they can understand what it means, and why they shouldn’t tell everyone they meet because not everyone is a nice person.
Being stealth is something that I can always stop doing by telling people, but being out is something you can’t stop unless you cut ties with anyone who knows. It is just another difficult thing that proves that being transgender doesn’t just stop after transitioning stops.
-Honest Trans Guy
I am 11 months on testosterone and still rarely use public male bathrooms. I didn’t use a male bathroom till I was already almost 9 months on testosterone because I was worried that I would be harassed, I have spoken to people around the world, including inside the UK who have been verbally and physically harassed when using the male bathroom because the cis males inside don’t think they are male. Honestly even pre-t I tried not to use public bathrooms full stop. The times I have used male toilets they are been empty, the first time that was purpose it was a way to be able to use the male toilet but do it whilst ensuring that I was safe. I try and push myself to use them whenever I am out, if I can’t I never use the female bathroom, I use a gender neutral bathroom. After top surgery I have promised myself to only use male bathrooms, to build my confidence so it becomes second nature.